Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
