you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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