so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
