Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
