You work out of a Hotel?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
