Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I smell like Dick and happiness
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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