...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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