I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
pray to the hookup gods
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
