That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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