Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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