Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize