there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
