I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
