How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize