found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
