Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
