Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
