my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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