he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
