No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
