if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
