Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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