I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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