sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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