Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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