I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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