I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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