If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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