I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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