I'm jealous of your bromance
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
