He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
