Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
