literally had 100 drinks last night.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
