It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
