The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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