Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
