It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
