yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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