Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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