I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
