there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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