Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
