It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I lost the right to judge tonight
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
