i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
