She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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