guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You work out of a Hotel?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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