Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
