just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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