when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
