the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
