you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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