She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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