he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
