Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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