oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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