Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
