why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He is an equal opportunity slut.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
