you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize