The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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