I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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