I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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