well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
tell me about the eggs
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