god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
