There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
