we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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