you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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