Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
