At least make sure they are 18
Why
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
