I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Barsexuality is the new black.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
