Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
