mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
