we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
