just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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