Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
