By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
