Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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