We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
