he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
