It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
