I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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