Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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