so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
