Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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