Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
