That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
