cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
