apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
