Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
