He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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