How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
