hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
