This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
