I don't think brook has ever known best
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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