No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
