i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
