Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
