im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
