why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
