By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
