you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
