somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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