Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
